Autumn

I am not going to spend a minute focusing on how a month has nearly passed since I wrote and how many topics and stories have come to mind but not the moment to write them down! I have been living them and that feels GREAT! In short, some milestones have been Rainbow turned 4,  Soleil " cajun pup" has been with us for 9 years, dancing momma turned 42,  Lightman & Dancing Momma celebrated 17 years of marriage & Starlight is self potty training all within 2 weeks of each other!
It has been abundant , wild, challenging, and sooo beautifully busy. Every fall feels this way and has my entire life! Is it because of my fall 1972 arrival  and feels like a new beginning for me each year and pack it in with reflection, celebration and more seasonal home decor  than any other time of the year?
A few quick stories...
my daughters are totally into celebrating he seasons even at their young ages and I LOVE it!

Every year since Rainbow was born, I have spent the night before her day of birth (which happens to be the first day of fall) decorating the house with fall leaves. This was inspired by the first year  she could recognize them (she was 1!) and pointed to them as she came downstairs  and made a little sound that acknowledged a change. We add on as the season continues and she loves to help decorate. Starlight is into it as well but still in a rearranging and slightly destructive stage:)
We ventured to the pumpkin patch for our annual  adventure in Livermore. It was HOT and wonderful as we chased the girls around the patch trying to get amazing pictures of them with my favorite annual  fruit! They both rode ponies for the first time and it was soooo sweet. It was one of those moments that you just don't forget as a parent. Hopefully the photos will help savor the memories for them as well.  I indulged in my annual slice of pumpkin pie and and we wheel barreled the girls and their giant pumpkins right out of the patch and back to the  smokin hot car and then spent the rest of the day in downtown Livermore while Starlight snoozed and we dined on pub food at the local alehouse. 


As the excitement of the month moves forward and we prep for Halloween, their sheltering momma is aware of many of the scary images that this fun holiday can   produce, including in kid friendly Halloween books . We will be sticking with happy jack o lanterns and friendly ghosts for as log as possible:)

Bailando!

Last Wednesday Rainbow attended Luna Dance Institutes 4year old creative dance play class. While this was not her first time in a dance class there, it was her first time without me in it or teaching it. Starlight and I joined her for the warm up in a circle with the other families  and then we left. Starlight was not pleased to be extracted from a place that she is also happy and comfortable but it was not her class. As I walked off of the studio floor, I felt very emotional about this moment of "letting go."  Wasn't that the theme of the week after all? I felt a rush of immense joy as I peeked at her learning about something that is such a huge part of me but having her own understanding and creative moment with it . 
I was relinquishing power in a way and trusting that someone else would see the beauty and soulfulness in her movement the way I do! Starlight and  I took a brief walk and then returned to the studio to be audience  for her goodbye dance. As she boldly galloped  across the floor and leap over the foam block and finished her dance on the other side of the room I was bursting with joy to see her dance with such confidence. Not that I ever doubted she wouldn't! For her entire life I just hadn't had the opportunity to see her through this lens. It was a gift! They are a gift!
(I think that little sister Starlight was equally jazzed to see her big sister dance:)

Pre School!

She was so ready yesterday morning when Lightman and I took her to her first day of pre school. We had great hope that this particular location and time in her life was really right for little Rainbow.. and it was. The night before, much like I did as a wee one, she laid out her clothes with great excitement for the big day. We packed her new backpack and water bottle , which was funny because she really needs nothing as they don;t even stay through lunchtime! She went to sleep rather peacefully and quickly (not always the case!) and woke up bursting with anticipation !

I forced her into a brief photo shoot to commemorate the big day! Some may say it is overboard to make such a big whoosh about pre school, but here is my thinking. She will never have this particular first again. Her first time being a part of someone else's external time (aside from our family's). While she will have many firsts with new situations, what her idea of what "school" may be , after today will have some presumptions. Until today it was truly a fantasy! 
We arrived early and hung out by the giant sequoia tree  near the entrance and waited as other new kids arrived. I could tell the overwhelmed look on her face started to kick in as did her dancing momma's emotions. The hilarious part is that this wasn't a situation where we were just leaving her there! The day was only for new kids and their parents! We stayed the whole time. In hindsight I think the rush of emotions for me were a combination of the loving, beautiful environment created by the teachers and other families upon arrival (AMAZING first impression!) and then watching her NOT actually cling to us but truly move forward like such a big brave kid!
In healthy attachment it is said that this is really normal and that it is likely harder on the parent/s then the child to have this separation. Well, in that case I guess I am right on track!

We were honored to observe and play with her and watch as she gently integrated into the space with other children. The school is a play based parent co operative ,meaning we will actually be there a lot very involved with the functioning of the school with the kids at the heart of the mission.

The time flew and before we knew it , she was hugging her new teachers good bye until Monday. 

Her response afterwards was positive and we celebrated at our favorite hipster cafe in downtown Oakland!
I learned a lot from Rainbow today and I imagine this is only the beginning!

"I should"

While we were on our little family  beach vacation to Delmar, I knew there would be no way to continue to blog on only my phone. I kept thinking the whole time how "I should" take note about the zillions of thoughts, topics and ideas that were coming to mind the whole time. Didn't. Now as I am trying to establish A. what the heck the purpose of this blog is and B. How to create  a groove for writing and carve out some space for  writing time , I am trying to reprise some of those thoughts from earlier.

Here is the thing, I cannot allow  this to be a laboring chore or task that will feel like a failure if I do not complete regularly. Afterall, I want my daughters to read it someday and get a glimpse of how I observed them grow and my perceptions about the role of parenting. My husband "Lightman" often reminds me that could of , should of, would of SHOULD leave my vocabulary!

So for today, Ill say that our vacation was wonderful and special time spent with Grammy JoJo, Pop-tah Lou and Uncle T with many precious photos to share. Some days have passed since our return and a million moments that I loved being in with them but now fail to recall. TODAY we had a fun morning at the Oakland Zoo with 2 highlights..

1. Rainbow was like a Zoo docent which made me proud of her love of animals and ability to navigate.

2. Starlight was very clear using a repetitive NO that she indeed did not want to ride the merry go round.

Rainbow is eager for pre school which begins soon. Her bff "Lulu" started today and she drew him some comforting pictures  accompanied by a love note and we left them in his mailbox.

Much more on pre school topic to come.

What Day is it Momma?

With great anticipation our family is taking a little beach vacation starting tomorrow. We are all excited and looking forward to time with the waves! Each day Rainbow enjoys asking me while looking at the wall calendar (yes we still have one!) "what day is today ?" Everyday we discuss and she finds the number. Only recently we have begun to hand write in some upcoming milestones . I was renascent about doing this in order to limit anxiety about the future and truly preserve the moment. However, what I am learning by marking a few of these special events on in with a big blue sharpie, is that Rainbow is now counting the days to that event as well recalling what the events are. I am not observing anxiety but more of an anticipation of things in the near future of her life. Of course, breakfast after she awakens today is also very exciting;)

Play

What a thrill to watch these two play! It changes everyday and I am trying to learn when to stay out of it and when to join in.  Typically, if I don't hear any sound happening I feel the need to check in as that can mean they are up to no good (ie: coloring walls/furniture, climbing to the highest height of living room, or  eating something non edible!). Another cause for getting a visual is screeching loud cries out, usually from Starlight, given she has not acquired her language yet for full articulation for responding to Rainbow. But boy oh boy when she does!
The two have a plethora of toys and activities for  lots of imaginative play. Examples: different sized dolls, books, puzzles, things to draw on and with, stickers, instruments, dress up, farm, trucks, cars, blocks, kitchen complete with groceries and cart and a super fun activity to clean up after... play doh!
When all of this is out at once, I try to not start putting stuff away until I feel the lull. Yesterday, we had two different play dates .
I adore watching what that looks like!
My favorite moment though was when Rainbow and her girlfriend were playing with the shopping carts and dress up clothes and Starlight was following them and  it were as if they were young teens as they remarked "she is following us, run!"
Of course in the end she joined right in the game and no harm was done!
I never had a sister, (though my brother is the best!) so watching this relationship unveil is really awesome in every way!

No Day But Today

Probably since the birth of daughter #2 (code name: "Starlight"), I have said on a regular basis that I want to start a blog. There have even been days where I talked about it as if it were really going to happen. As if I had the spare bandwidth to add more to do each day. Today.... I m doing it and I cannot explain why or how the universe is providing me the portal of time to make it happen! Why wait any longer?Starlight is rapidly approaching 20 months and her big sister(code name: "Rainbow") is 7 weeks away from 4! So yes... today, right now is the perfect time to capture this moment with my fast changing girls without worrying that I don't have every single moment documented in print since they arrived on this earth! I have been living in the moment with them and I can't imagine it getting much better than that! 

Our family is currently experiencing some milestones and transitions this summer. In June we ended our long term nanny share . The best part of that departure is that the friendship of our two families is strong and precious as the two now pre-schoolers are like kin. Watching them grow together from babies to present has been a gift, as has been the time spent by our beloved nanny whom we often refer to as Mary Poppins! Coincidentally, the children lovvvvvvveeeee the story , music and characters of MP and are not shy about sharing it!Then towards the end of July our family had our last day full time with our blessed MP. She has been an incredible caregiver to the children in these  beginning years and allowed us so much confidence as we left our precious ones in her care 4 days a week.  
We were then blessed to have Grammy (code name:"JoJo") come and help out in the next transition post MP. Which brings me to today....

Today was the beginning of a newer role for me (code name: dancing momma) and where a new story begins of my relationship with my daughters, role in our family and image of self in the world. It all sounds a bit dramatic and big but I am a BIG over thinker and easily ruffled by misinterpretation of who I want to be  as a contributor to this world. Words that stick in my head from my newly former employer, constant mentor and dear friend are "life is long and there is SO much you can do. You can wear as many hats as you want all at the same time but know that they won't all have the same weight all at the same time."

Today on this fresh new day, Rainbow, Starlight and I ventured to the Bay Area Discovery Museum. First Wednesday of the month is free! As I stood amongst the many children and parents navigating the 100% hands on exhibits, I wondered if anyone else was feeling like I was ? I felt grateful to be there in the beautiful Marin Headlands watching (and trying not to helicopter ) my daughters as they played hard, figured out how to work through the crowd and taking turns, and how to trust that I was there even if I was a couple of feet away admiring them. I thought about their unique and beautiful birth stories and how another mentored quote appeared in my head "it is your story to tell."

This blog will be their stories ( with interpretive help from dancing momma !)